Sunday, October 3, 2010

OCT 2010 Life choices & changes.....

HI ALL, I WANT TO THANK THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN SENDING ME EMAILS AFTER READING MY BLOG, YOU ALL HELP ME SO MUCH AND THANKS SO VERY MUCH FOR WRITING:) THESE PAST FEW MONTHS HAVENT BEEN EASY, MY HEALTH GOT WORSE. BETWEEN THE LUPUS & OTHER DISORDERS I ALREADY HAD MY NEW PROBLEMS WITH THE CORONARY ARTERY SPASMS, BLOOD PRESSURE DROPS AND VASCULITIS GOT SO BAD I WAS PUT IN A POSTION TO MAKE SOME HARD CHOICES. EITHER I COULD KEEP DOING WHAT I WAS DOING WITH MY BUSINESS, ECT AND END UP IN THE HOSPITAL AGAIN OR CLOSE DOWN MY MAC BUSINESS. I ACTAULLY WENT THROUGH THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF, I BARGINED AND TRIED CUTTING DOWN THE HOURS I WORKED, I GOT ANGRY AND SAID "IT'S NOT FAIR", I DIDNT BELEIVE IT AND TRIED WORKING MY NORMAL HOURS AGAIN AND FINALLY GOT SAD AND STARTED SELLING OFF MY STOCK. NOW I'M AT ACCEPTANCE AND AM LOOKING FORWARD TO WHEN IT'S ALL DONE, I HAVE PLENTY OF STOCK TO SELL SO IT WILL TAKE AWHILE. I'LL BE KEEPING MY LINE I CREATE OPEN SINCE IT'S LESS DEMANDING & LESS STRESSFUL....IT'S ACTUALLY RELAXING CREATING THE COLORS. AT FIRST THE THOUGHT OF NOT BEING THERE FOR MY BUYERS WAS SO UPSETTING...GIVING PEOPLE A SAFE PLACE TO BUY THE REAL THING AND BE TREATED AS A HUMAN AND NOT A NUMBER IS WHY I LOVED DOING WHAT I DO. AFTER GOING THROUGH THE STAGES I REALIZED A NEW CHAPTER OF MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO START AND IF I DIDNT CLOSE MY "MAC' PART I WOULDNT LIVE LONG TO SEE IT. SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY & FRIENDS IS WHATS IMPORTANT AND I'M ALWAYS TOO TIRED AND IN PAIN TO DO ONCE I'M DONE FILLING MY ORDERS. YES, THE BUSINESS MADE ME HAPPY BUT NOW WITH MY HEALTH WHERE IT IS THERE ARE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE THAT I LOVE DEARLY AND IT'S TIME I SPEND MY LIFE WITH THEM. WHEN A DOCTOR SAYS YOUR LIFE SPAN WILL BE SHORT AND YOUR ONLY 45 IT CHANGES YOU AND THINGS THAT YOU NEVER WORRIED ABOUT OR THOUGHT ABOUT BEFORE COME CRASHING DOWN INSIDE YOUR THOUGHTS. AT THE MOMENT I'M SELLING MY MAC FULL JARS FIRST SINCE SELLING OFF MY STOCK IN SAMPLES IS TOO MUCH WORKING AND WOULD TAKE FOREVER. I ACTUALLY TRIED IT AND GOT SO BUSY AGAIN THAT I ENDED BACK UP IN THE HOSPITAL. LIFE THROWS EVERYONE CURVES, HECK LAST NIGHT SOMEONE TRIED BREAKING IN, I HAD TO CALL THE POLICE...IT WAS AWFUL. I COULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW, THANKFULLY MY DOG HAS A HUGE BARK. LAST WEEK MY DAD FELL OFF A MAKE SHIFT LADDER ONTO ME, I WANTED TO BREAK HIS FALL CAUSE HIS HEAD AND SPINE WERE GOING TO HIT A HARD WOOD TABLE.I POSTIONED MYSELF SO HE WOULDNT GET HURT IN A WAY THAT WOULD HURT ME THE LEAST ALSO. STUFF HAPPENS TO EVERYONE, DISABLED, ILL OR NOT .... IT'S HOW WE HANDLE THOSE CURVES THAT MAKES US WHO WE REALLY ARE. SOMEONE RECENTLY ASKED ME "WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR HARDEST LIFE LESSON" AND MY ANSWER WAS "BEING ABLE TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND REALLY LOVE AND KNOW WHO I AM ON THE INSIDE AND OUT". I CAN DO THAT BUT IT TOOK A LOT OF WORK IN MY YOUNGER YEARS TO GET TO THAT PLACE. LOVING AND LIKING WHO WE ARE TO ME IS THE KEY TO SURVIVING IN LIFE FOR AS MANY OF US KNOW THE WORLD WE LIVE IN ISNT ALWAYS A EASY PLACE.

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