June 28th...life update

I've been wanting to come here and write for quite awhile now, this feels so good! Good news the tumor on my thyroid isn't cancer, yay! Bad news is my coronary heart spams are worse as is my overall pain & health. I'm all done with UCSF, it was taking too much out of me. Doing weekly trips and each test would make my body worse so I decided to stop and take a break. My pain doctor is trying to control my pain level better and once that's done then it's time for me to start seeing my friends and family more. I met this gal recently who is in the same boat as I, has multiple serious health problems and on basically the same medications as I. She's a little younger then I and out of the blue her organs shut down and her doctors said she wasn't going to make it. She hung on for weeks with all her organs shutting down, drifting in and out and eventually came out of it and now she's OK.The Dr's said it was a miracle, she should have been dead. Like me she was going in for regular blood tests to make sure her liver & kidneys where OK but this still happened. This really made me stop and think, I always thought I wasn't afraid of dying but have realized I am. The thought of leaving my family and not knowing "what happens next" scares the heck out of me which isn't like me at all. I'm a very spiritual person and this is the first time I've had this fear. Maybe because life is going by so fast and 10 or 20 years can come and go in a flash. It's so different when we where young, time went by so much slower. If anyone in their teens or 20's is reading this, your parents are not lying when they say life goes by faster the older you get.It starts in your late 20's but in your 40's it goes by faster then you thought possible and I think that's why I now have this fear. I see how short life is and mine will be shorter due to my health and don't want to spend it just going to doctors and filling my business orders. I love my business, don't get me wrong but there is more to life then filling orders 7 days a week and seeing doctors. I need to make some changes besides not going to the Dr's anymore. My business wears me out so my pain level is higher and have zero energy so I have to find a balance. If any of my buyers are reading this don't worry :) I just need to find a balance and to spend time with the people in my life that are important to me for no one knows when there number is up. I'm at a turning point in my life, maybe my mid life crisis, lol. All I know is something has to change for me to be able to enjoy the life I've been handed better then I have been. What was ok before no longer makes me happy and complete......