Saturday, January 30, 2010

it's been a long time....

First I don't even know where I left off and feel bad that I havent kept this caught up. A part of me has been busy with UCSF, another part is in a small depression and the rest of me busy with sales.  I'm getting REAL tired of going to UCSF 1-2 times a week, it's no way to spend life but I keep telling myself to give it to the end of this year. They have been able to find the cause of my double vision and have glass's now to help. They cant stop the progression of it but thats a one day at a time deal.

I found most doctors there are the most kind and supportive but there are a few that dont care. If they cant see whats wrong then they rather send you to someone else and not deal with you. Meeting one of those recently caused my depression and brought me down to reality that UCSF might not be able to help. Each invasive test they do just gets me worse. They keep finding things wrong but not the underlining cause of all of them. One of my old doctors told me this week that along with the autoimmune/muscle skelton that I most likely have a gentic & and enviormental gentical problems in my overall cells, genes and all those things that make up our body. Something in mine didnt form correctly, didnt form at all or I'm missing some important working genes and whatever that "stuff" is. He said I've been dealt a bad hand and may never find out whats wrong. That the doctors need to concentrate on making me as comfortable as possible and let me go on with my life. It was nice having a doctor be honest about my life span. He said it will be shortened which I already knew inside but hearing a doctor say it opening felt good. Finally someone who's honest and upfront. It's kinda like my dog, she has problems, on medications and I know she wont live till she's 15 but will to around 10. Thats how my body/health is.

I'm so tired of my life being all about my health, yes it's always going to be there but doing all these trips to the city and tests is causing more stress...when is it time to stop?  If I stop to early I might miss out on them finding something to stop the progression, i know me and will know within when that time is here.

I want to date, meet people and continue with my business that I love. Thank god for that, my buyers bring me so much joy. Yes, I wear myself out sometimes working to much but it really helps me stay in balance which is what I need.

Talking about business as many people know MAC has changed there jars, thankfully I made sure to get a couple of each of 90% of my stock before they sold out. To this date the only colors in the new jars are the 2 new one recently released. For now nothing will change:)

It's getting late so sorry for any spelling errors, I'm going to do a spell check later, lol...cant keep my eyes opened:)