Ultrasound report...

This week I got my ultrasound report and once again I have a document to back up an ailment. The report showed my mass has doubled this past year and the smaller mass is still there. It said it couldnt remark about the salvatory glands due to an MRI is needed to get good pictures/views of those. The reason for that is many of the salvatory glands are around & behind your jar line so the ultrasound cannot pick up the glands. We have hundreds of little glands and it did show that some in the front are inlarged/inflammed.

I'll be going in for a biopsy and depending on the results will determine the next step. The thing is though the thyroid gland & mass isnt causing my dry mouth and swelling of other glands and thise are the things that physically bother me the most.

The therpistt called again and he's rather confused....if i have records stating my many diagnosis why is the doctor sending me there. I told him I offered to mail a set to him but the dr refused them and said "if I need your help I'll ask". He mentioned if these results show I have a mass then basically I will be going to that session to pasify the doctor for it is clear my health is poor and these physical issues/diagnosis do exsist. I found out I have to pay 55.00 for this session....so I'm waking up at 4:30 in the morning, spending 4 hours at UCSF for a problem I dont have and have to pay for it, this really ticks me off. If I didnt have to pay for it and it was later in the day I'd be happy to go and show the docotr it's all in his head, not mine. Thats not the case though, I'm broke and am saving for bfocals so hopefully I can drive soon again, I dont fall asleep till midnight to one so waking up at 4:30 is very hard for me and my folks who have to drive me.

I see the doctor (who started all of this) on the 2nd and I'm going to tell him exactly how I feel and bring him copies of my old records showing everything.

I've written a lot about UCSF and latley it hasnt been good things. I must say 99% of the doctors and staff are the nicest and most caring people you will meet. My eye dr's stuck by me when they had no idea what was causing my double vision and because they beleived in me they eventually found the cause. People with chronic illness's and pain need doctors that supoort them emotionaly and physically. I know there are issues I'm stuck living with, I'll always have lupus, they will never find the "gene" causing havic in my body orl conditions like the pherial neuropathy.  On the other hand they should be trying harder to atleast stop the progression and try like the eye doctors did.

For people out there dont ever give up or give all your power to a dr your not hapoy with. Keep on searching until you found the "one" that will help you.  My Primary doctor outside of UCSF  is great and after another 9 months I'm going back to him and the dr's he wants me to see, I'm waiting the 9 months to give UCSF more time & to get into their rhuem department which is one of the best in the U.S.

For me because I've been dealing with pain my whole life I'm looking forward to not going to the doctors anymore wether or not they have helped me or not. I'm giving it another year and then I'm stopping. It gets to the point where it's causing more stress then what it's worth. My body has too much damage done and it cant be fixed, whats done is done. Yes, they might be able to stop further things from happening but thats only if they find the root cause and as my good primary has said I'm at the point where they need to concentrate on keeping me comfortable. I love my business and want to spend more time expanding that and living life to the degree I can so after this year is up thast what I'm going to do.

I'm happier when I dont have the stress of going here and there and to be honest I really dont think there is anything they can do, my bidy is too far gone....this is the life I was given. I accept that and want to soend the rest of it doing things that make me happy.  Seeing my buyers happy brings me a lot of joy. I am at peace within except when things like the recent bs at UCSF happens. Who needs that?? People that live like I do sure dont. For those who read this I'm sorry if I repeat my thoughts, feelings or information. I don't re-read each entry before making another. Between that and my memory, well, I often will repeat myself. This is it for todays entry...try and be happy, take control over your life and live it the way you want and accept the things we cannot change. Just in this past month another problem popped up with my thumbs, now along with my CTS I have arthritis in both thumb joints that is causing a lot of pain. I have no control over it but I do have control on how I handle it. I choose to accept it and stay away from self pity and thinking "not another thing" or "why me". Yes, I do have days when I feel like that but it might be an hour here and there. Once I write about it or share my feelings with someone else then it's gone. We all need to vent, just try not to sit in it too long.