Sunday, November 1, 2009

Finally, more of my past...

WHEN IT ALL STARTED, PAST INFO...Here is some info about my past. Besides being born with my bad knees and having many surgery's on them and my thyroid by 18 I was also told when I was 20 I had some kind of auto Immune disorder. Way back then a specialist saw it but told me it would take years for it to manifest enough for it to be diagnosed. So I continued on with my life, I was a workaholic, worked out at the gym as much as I could (got pretty buffed), in and out of relations, met my 1 true love but had to say goodbye, basically lived life. I was very attractive and turned heads where ever I went, was good with money and was a very strong independent woman.I got sober at a young age, 24 but had started drinking when I was 12. I had known for a few years before getting sober that I had a problem but the bottle had it's hold over me plus it helped with my 24/7 pain. The day came when even after getting a DUI I was drinking and driving again, it was then a friend asked if I was ready to get help. That was May 7th 1989 & the last time I had a drink. I've been blessed that through out these hardest years of my life that I've had no desire to drink or mis-use any medications my doctors have or have tried me on.Stopping drinking was the easy part, the first few years of being sober is the hardest, you have to find out who you are inside. Many go through phases and finding other "things" to fix us but eventually you will be left with yourself. I purposely spent many years single finding out who I was and it happened around the same time I got carpel Tunnel in both hands. So not only was I working on "me" I couldnt go to work either for the next year I had 5 failed surgery's on my hands. No work, no gym just me.....and it was the best thing that could have happened. I went nto a deep depression, got help and spent time with a therapist that helped me dig through the layers of protection I kept around myself my whole life.I also had to learn it was O.K. to take pain medication while being sober. My first few years I wouldnt touch it and a friend who had 20 years sober told me I needed to work on it and listenn to the doctors. a few years later I couldnt handle the physical pain anymore and god bless to this day I havent had problems with pain medications and abusing them. If anything I dont take the amount I'm allowed. Very few people can do this, can take meds and not start drinking and using again. Mine goes right to the pain, I dont feel a "mental" high and only take enough to keep the edge off.After the CTS surgery's the nerve damage in my hands slowly progressed to my elbows and shoulders and had 2-3 failed surgerys on my shoulder. so as you can see, it keeps progessing and getting worse no matter what part of my body. Around a few years aftyer my hands I was walking and bang my right ankle started killing me. I figured I sprained it but after a month it didnt go away. Two months later the same thing happened to the left and after going to the doctors I found out both ankles had nerve damage. The doctors at this time thought maybe I had fibromyalgia but one doctor didnt beleive so nor did I anymore. FM doesnt cause the nerve damage my body was creating. More coming soon, still need to spell check, sorry:)

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