12/11/09 good news

First of all I want to say sorry for not posting anything for awhile, I don't even know where I left off. The good news is I'm getting a mini laptop which will enable me to do my blog on a regular hopefully daily basis. See my computer is a desktop and in the coldest room of my place with no music, TV or a place for my dog to lay. By the time I'm done with my orders, quotes, advertising.. ect I don't have time to answer even my personal emails. The only way I would have time is if I spent all day and evening in my computer room. So for x-mas I'm getting my netbook which will allow me to relax on the couch and write as much as I want, and write hopefully daily when I'm in the "moment" not trying to play catch up. I want me readers to see me on my good and bad days mentally along with physical. Yes, I stay pretty positive but I am human and do have those days that I want to share here, the days I'm in tears because the pain and fatigue is so bad. I can handle the pain but when I get hit with both is when I'm the most vulnerable, depressed and well, it's pure hell. I'm looking forward to turning this into a real blog, just not a diary about my UCSF tests and appointments. Talking about UCSF, lol I had those heart test a few weeks back and those through me into a huge flare-up. Anything that gets done to this body now has a bad reaction and makes me worse no matter how small or big. No matter what they do things keep on going wrong and no one there knows why yet. I don't get the results back till Feb, my doctor is gone till mid January and he's only there once a week. After that hopefully I'll pretty much done with cardio, vision, GI and hopefully can concentrate next year on rheumatology for that's where the answers lay. Oh, the new glass's did help with my double visions but only in one lense so I got back in a few weeks to get the other corrected. There is nothing they can do to stop the progression of the eyes but the glass's will give me more freedom back and actually they have seem to stop getting worse so that's a good thing. They did put me on Lipator and will high blood pressure medication since for some reason those 2 are now through the roof. I'm telling ya, it's effecting everything. Before it was mainly the joints and nerve pain, now it's the top of my head down to my toes. Something scary did happen the other night that I haven't shared with anyone, I threw up blood. It wasn't a lot, otherwise I would have gone to the ER but enough to concern me since my pancreas isn't working properly. Time to end this but I am so looking forward to starting the New Year and creating the blog I originally wanted. Happy Holidays to you all and I will most likely see you in 2010:)